Evil Craig's List Person

So, I don't know if I've updated everyone recently. But I seem to be staying here in Philly for most likely two or three more years. I'm sad about NYC, but the upside is that I found this awesome apartment that I can't wait to move into. The downside is that I now feel that my current apartment furnishings are inadequate and I need all new stuff. As it happens, it's actually pretty expensive to refurnish an entire apartment. So I've been looking around on Ebay and Craig's list for some deals. Please take note of the following transaction...or non-transaction.

For Sale: Almost new Crate and Barrel Black Framed Mirror, large, $40 - everything must go, moving.

Whoohaa!!! Boy oh boy do I want that big mirror which matches my entertainment center!!! And $40 from Crate and Barrel to boot! So, I send an email. Then proceed to converse via email with the Craig's list seller all day yesterday. We were trying to figure out a time when it was most convienent for HER for me to come pick up the mirror. We settle on a time and that I'm going to pay her cash. I send a follow up email, just to confirm and get back the following response...

"Somebody came by just now and unexpectedly wanted to buy my dresser, desk, a bunch of items basically, as well as the mirror, for a "package rate" so I had to sell the mirrow. Sorry!! I hope you will find something soon. Thanks very much for your interest."

I think this is evil and dispicable. All day I had been imagining in my mind where I was going to hang this mirror in my new place. Not to mention that all day I responded to at least 5 emails from her changing times and days for the pick up. Then she just goes and sells it to someone else!!!! Why couldn't she just tell the unexpected person, "I'm sorry, I already sold that mirror to someone else?" I think people feel they can get away with a lot through sites such as Craig's List where they don't have to deal with someone directly. Screwing people over through cyber space is no big deal to them I guess. I still don't think she could be a nice person by nature though, cause I would never do that to someone, whether I was dealing with them through email or in person.

Anyway, I sent back a replay and said "That was really not a nice thing to do. I thought we had a deal?" What I really should have said was "You asshole. That is just terrible. Karma is a bitch and I hope wherever you are moving totally sucks!!"

Oh I'm sorry....

"War Coooordinator." I was confused. That makes it so much better. At least we're out of Roman times.

Is this really happening?

So we have a "War Czar" now? People are OK with this? So if we now have a "War Czar" what does that make Bush? "War Overlord?" Are we back in Roman times now? Make it stop.

Special Healing Powers!!!???!!!

I hate this man!!!! My Mom always said never to use the word "hate" unless you don't care if the person lives or dies. The purpose of that statement being, that I shouldn't use that word at all because obviously as a good, law abiding citizen, I don't want anyone to die.

I guess I might feel slightly bad if T.O. was hit by a truck or something, but I don't see that event as having any meaningful impact on my life. Therefore, I feel pretty safe using that word. The only solace I get from him sticking around is that he is a ticking time bomb in the enemy camp of the Cowboys and eventually he is bound to implode the whole team.

If you read the entire article above, the thing that gets me the most is that apparently for the first 2 days of camp he had "nothing to say to the press." But, after 3 days(the 3rd day not any different than day 1 or 2), he decides to provide everyone with 20 minute spiel about his stupid finger and how "he must have special healing powers." Here's the thing...the only reason he went to this camp in the first place was so he could get attention. I literally just said the other day "Haven't heard anything from T.O. in a while." And then BANG he pops up a few days later. I promise you he will be a frequent topic of conversation on PTI, Sportscenter, and of course WIP (Philly Sports Radio) from now until the end of the football season (which notably hasn't even started yet). I guess I'm a sucker too for devoting a whole blog post to him. But, hopefully this will be my last....But I doubt it.

The bottom line here is that he claims he is a good guy maligned by the press and all the coverage he gets, but HE COURTS IT!!!! Please please please know, for all of you that may have a lingering doubt in your mind in regards to the personality of this man, that he is crazy, and an overall terrific football player who will never be successful because he is a bad bad man. A Very Very bad man.

Best Commerical Ever!!!!

OK so, This commercial for Jamaican beer "Red Stripe" was on yesterday during PTI. The last time I saw a funny commerical, I was by myself and the commercial was never seen by anyone other than myself. This time I am not taking any chances, so I'm posting it here.

Enjoy!!!

PS. My head is also ginormous, but fortunately not as big as that guy so my neck holes don't seem to suffer as much. Do you know that when I wear a baseball cap with the little notches in the back, I don't get to be cool and overlap them like most girls. I have to sometimes let out a notch or two. Boo!

#1 Toy

Wow. 2 posts in one day. I actually had this in mind to write in my last post, but then I couldn't remember what it was, so I just published the first one. But, now I remember.

So. VH1 voted the Hula Hoop the #1 toy of all time. Rounding out the "Top 5" were Barbie, GI-Joe, Star Wars Action Figures, and Mr. Potato Head (did you know that when it was first invented they only sold the pieces and you had to use a real potato?). Well, I think that the hula hoop was fun and all, and I understand it's been around for a long time. But, I don't necessarily agree with it's #1 rating. I mean how long did you actually spend playing with your hula hoop? 15 minutes, maybe? If you were good, maybe 20? And this seems to be primarily a "girls toy." I don't remember many boys playing with them. There were other uses for a hula hoop, such as: jump rope, a way to wrastle up your friends and pull them along in the hoop and it also served me well as a base for a game of baseball or kickball. But, all of this still does not add up to make it #1 caliber.

My vote is for Playdoh. It's good for hours of fun, there's all types of things you can make, it has fun colors and a distinctive smell that reminds me of childhood. You could choose to be anal and keep all of the colors separate, or you could be adventurous and mix them all together. There was all kinds of cool equipment that went with it. You could make Playdoh spaghetti, or I had these plastic molding type things and could make various foods, such as a carrot or a hot dog. I also had ones that made awesome Strawberry Shortcake related shapes. Playdoh is great!!! Think back to when you were a kid and remember the joy you felt opening a brand new can of Playdoh. It doesn't get much better than that.

P.S. Colorforms and LightBrite, are my runner ups.

Go to Jail. Go Directly to Jail. Do Not Pass Go. Do Not Collect your $200

If Arnold even comments on this, well I'll.....well...that's just dumb. I really hope that she does go to jail, but let's face it, it's not going to happen. If, by some small infestimal chance it does, I'm sure it will become some sort of hit reality show.

Dolphins are Dynamic (you know there are not many complimentary words that begin with "D")

Note: The cameo appearance of my sister, Sarah, on my work trip. Yes, work. Sometimes my job is worth all of the bull!#!@!.
Oh, and dolphins can jump really high. I never knew this before.

Yes!

So, I was looking at my Site Tracker today, which captures the number of people that read my blog per day and the Country, City and State from which my blog readers hail. It's fun because sometimes a random person will be on this list from China or the UK, etc.

Anywho, today someone read my blog from New Haven, CT. I at first panicked because I was worried that somehow my Grandparents got a hold of the link to my blog and now are fully aware that I'm a crazy person. But, it turns out that wasn't the case at all.

Someone did a search on Google for "Things that Awkward People Do," and my site came up. Now I'm assuming it's because of this post. But, I think it sums up my blog in total and probably a good description of me on most days as well.

Spring Time Poem

Hi all,

My blog has been lackluster lately, so I thought I'd spend some time thinking up a Spring Time Poem for everyone. Here goes...

Springtime is here and I'm filled with cheer, even though I'll be homeless soon.
I'd like to get outta here and go sip on a beer, oh and find a new job before June.
My company is lackluster and many a cluster are waiting behind every bend.
Thank God it is warm and the day's in good form so I can drink outside with my friends.

I have to remember not to get too excited as my life is far from in tact,
There a lot of bad things that happen in Springtime and this, my friends, is a fact.
People come out in all kinds of clothes. Things they should sooo not be wearing.
Tummies are hanging, boobies are flying and short skirts are definetly shaming.

There are other bad things that happen in the Spring, but I guess I don't want to dwell.
There's allergies, and pollen, spring fever comes calling and bum's do increase their smell.
But there's no point in being crappy, Spring makes me happy and that is the point I will sell.
The spring has nice flowers and you'll be outdoors for hours even though I'll still be here in hell.

HAPPY SPRING TIME EVERYBODY!!!! HAVE A DRINK FOR ME TONIGHT!!!!

You know who is...

the happiest man in the world right now? ....

Imus

Jeanine and Calvin's Trip to NYC

Time Line

Friday, April 13th = Friday the 13th

12:30 AM: Finally get into bed after working late until 9:45 on Thursday and distracting myself from worrying about my interview by watching TiVo'd episodes of "The Office."

1:30 AM: Fall asleep

3:30 AM: Alarm goes off. Wake up. Want to kill myself.

5:30 AM: Leave for NYC (a half hour late)

5:30 AM - 6:30 AM: Calvin speed demons his way through PA. I brought a bunch of stuff to study for my interview in the car, but it's too dark to read anything...shit...so I look out of the side window in an attempt to not notice how fast we are going.

6:30AM - 7:00AM: Calvin slows down somewhat because he has a speeding ticket he hasn't paid yet in New Jersey and I told him if he got arrested on the way to my interview for unpaid tickets I was never going to speak to him again.

7:00AM - 7:15AM: Fall asleep for the briefest of moments and wake up to the realization that Calvin missed our exit to the Holland Tunnel. The exit sign said "Blah, Blah and the Holland Tunnel, exits 22A,B and C" So, in Calvin's defense he thought he had until 22C to get off the turnpike, but in reality the sign was to get off for all three exits at once. Had I been awake, I'm confident I would have realized this.

7:30AM - Try to take the Lincoln Tunnel, but Calvin gets frustrated because of traffic and decides to turn around to go try the Holland Tunnel again. I sit there and don't say anything because I don't want to get into a fight before my interview. "Ahhhh Serenity Now!!!"

7:30AM - 8:00AM - Listen to "Freestyle Fridays" on a progressive talk radio station. They were talking about the Imus issue, people were calling in and such. At some point Calvin says in retaliation to a caller "If stupid people are too stupid to realize how stupid they are then they must be stupid." I laugh and he is my friend again. It also turns out he was right to turn around and go back to the Holland Tunnel because it took us right where we needed to go.

8:15ish AM - Arrive in Downtown NYC. I know the address to the company to be 165 Broadway. We find Broadway and something within the street number range and I convince Calvin that it's better to park and walk to find it then to drive around until we see the building. This is right by the World Trade Center site so roads are all blocked off and it's confusing.

8:20ish AM - We set off to find the building. Instantly my comfy new shoes start to hurt and it's colder than I thought it was going to be. I quickly realize the street numbers are going in the opposite direction than where we need to be headed, so we turn around. The conversation goes something like this...

Me: Walking...."This isn't the right way, we are going into Tribecca, we need to be going towards the World Trade Center."

Calvin: Walking...."I told you we should've found the building before we parked." "This is West Broadway, lets walk over a couple of streets and see if we find just plain Broadway"

Me: Turn around and walking..."There can't be two Broadways, the street numbers must start over again on the other side of the World Trade Center." "Then it probably changes into East Broadway or something." This, I feel is totally logical.

Calvin: Walking some more..."That seems like quite a ways (we were in the 90's)."

Me: Walking...."No it's not we're at 90 now, they will go down to 0 in a block or two."

Calvin: Walking more..."Um nooo. They have to go from 90 to 80 to 70 etc."

Me: Stop walking. Out comes the map!

Me: "Oh, there is another Broadway a couple of blocks over."

Calvin: Just looks at me and smiles. I'm not is friend anymore.

Me: I'm so tired of being wrong. I also realized I left my black pen in the car and all I have is a red pen with psychedelic designs on it that I got in my stocking at Christmas.

8:45 AM: Jeanine and Calvin make a pit stop at Duane Reade for a normal pen.

8:50 AM: Find the Zurich Building. It's right next to the World Trade Center site (scary), but also right next to Century 21 (SWEET!) (for those of you who don't know it is a huge store full of discounted designer stuff Wooohaa!!).

9:00 AM: I down a coffee and a glazed doughnut. I don't even like glazed doughnuts, but after going on about 3 hours sleep and the adventure into the city, I feel like I'm going to fall over. The sugar works and I pray it will get me through the whole interview. I also blame my grogginess for the reason I was not up to parr with the whole directions thing.

9:30 AM: Interview. I think it went well on my part. But the 2nd person to interview me, who will be one of my managers should I get the job, was kind of weird. She was a bit on the rough side and ended up complaining about how the Swedes were taking over Zurich.

Jeanine (in my head): Ummmm...It is a Swiss company...Zurich is in Switzerland...wouldn't it be the Swiss taking over the company?...Why is she telling me this???? Wow, this kinda sucks.

11:30 AM: Interview over and back to Calvin and Starbucks

Calvin: "How did it go?"

Jeanine: "Good I guess, but I don't know about working here anymore."

Calvin: "OK, what's wrong?"

Jeanine: What a nice guy. He takes off work and takes me into NYC, waits while I'm in the interview and I probably won't take the job anyway now. And I'm wrong with all the directions. And he still doesn't want to kill me.

Lucky me.

You know people don't like you when....

So, there are these two "people" at my job, that are just horrific. Today a co-worker described them perfectly so I thought I'd share.

Me: "I told you they were evil, you just didn't want to listen"

Co-worker: "Nobody likes them. Their co-workers don't like 'em, their friends don't like them and their family doesn't like them. They are terrible! If we were invaded by aliens, the aliens wouldn't like those m!!!@!#$@! ers."

That is the truth too. If we are ever invaded by aliens I know the perfect people to introduce them to. The aliens will decide they do not want to be associated with just abomidable beings and they will turn around and leave.

Is it bad to post this right above a Happy Easter, Love Jesus post?

HAPPY EASTER

Be thankful for what you have, appreciate the things you do not, keep the faith, be nice, be good, pray for those closest to you and the soldiers far away from you; Love Jesus for giving us hope.

Everything will be OK, whatever it is.

I will be in NYC on Friday

So apparently I rocked the phone interview. I didn't think I did, I thought I gummed it all up, but apparently not. I will be in NYC on Friday for the BIG interview. "BAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!" Oh Wow, I'm going to be Betty Basketcase this week. If I can come up with a million things to go wrong at my own house for a phone interview, imagine what might befall me in NYC. "Whoa Nelly, I'm scared." But, excited!!!!!!! "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!"

Savoring the last minutes of warm

So, I guess it's not really warm at the moment as I have a jacket on and my feet are freezing, but apparently this is all I've got until next week sometime. I hear it's supposed to be colder on Easter than it was on Christmas. That is simply unacceptable. I would like more than anything to give up my Winter Coat to Goodwill (it's seen better days) and I can't seem to get rid of the blasted thing.

I have a phone interview for a job in NYC on Friday so I need everyone to cross their fingers for me. It's probably with just some HR person or something, so I don't see how I can possibly mess it up, but stranger things have happened. I have to do the interview from home, so I'm going to be sure I am sitting down in a quite area (maybe my closet) where nothing can possibly happen to me. If I walk around while I'm talking, I'm apt to stub my toe into something abominable and let out a whomping curse. Or if I tried to get a glass of water I could break the glass on the floor and then have to do the whole rest of the interview surrounded by glass while simultaneously trying to stop Chloe from coming in and walking in the vicinty. These are the things I think about.

So, sitting down in the closet (to minimize the dog barking sound should anyone enter or leave my building during the interview time)surrounded by soft things like clothes, pillows and blankets seems like the best option. I should be safe unless my over populated shelves choose that very moment to topple down around me. I worry about this misfortune happening every time I'm in my closet. It hasn't happened yet, but if it's going to happen there is a high likelihood it will happen at the most inopportune moment, such as during a phone interview. I would pick the bathroom, but I fear it might be too echoey and the interviewer will think I'm in the bathroom. They'd be right, but we can't have that. So, in closing, what we have to hope for is Jeanine does great on her interview, says all the right things, sits in one place, doesn't get hurt and avoids dog barking and shelf fallage. Alright people pray for me.

Thursday apparently is the day to post about Bush and Harry Potter

This is what the new book cover is going to look like. It is due out July 21st @ midnight. I think it is important to note that both Calvin and I have a copy reserved and we will be in line @ midnight waiting. The only bad thing about that is that Calvin is like the slowest turtle reader ever (sorry Calvin), so I won't be able to discuss things with him as events occur (since these events are actually happening in real time as I am reading them). If I am still blogging in July, I hope you guys are fast readers so we can discuss.

Should politics be discussed in blogs?

I have hesitated for a while posting about politics because I feel the topic is just annoying in general and it makes people angry. I don't want my blog readers to be angry. But, I do have to vent about just one thing... When the Bush Administration is accused of wrong-doing, they blame one of two things: #1 bias in the press #2 crazy democrats on a witch hunt. And this explanation always seems to rally people on their side. Now, I'm no expert in politics, BUT, isn't it obvious to people that they place the blame where they do because they have nowhere else to put it? They have nothing else better to say so they blame the people who caught them. Haven't we been doing the same thing to our siblings for years? Why don't people see this? Is everyone delusional? I just don't get it. This simple fact seems to slip past so many people whose views and opinions I value on almost any other topic. It bafounds me (baffles and confounds combined). It's a whole new level of confusion.

10 Awkward Things that can happen when dealing with strangers...

10. The eye contact you, as the driver of a car, receive from a pedestrian as they are crossing a crosswalk and you are stopping at the stop sign to let them cross. I feel I am usually the receipt of a questionably "I dare you" type look, like I am going to blow through the stop sign and run them over.

9. When a new line at the grocery store opens up and everyone swarms over to the new lane. Either you get some butthead who was at the end of the original line, but becomes the 1st person in the new line (so everyone is pissed off). Or you get a "You go ahead." "No you go ahead." type situation. "Fine. I'll go then. Bye"

8. The pressure you feel to check out as efficiently and error free as possible in a Self Check-Out lane with people waiting behind you. I find this especially stressing in a place like Home Depot where you have to manage a bunch of oddly shaped objects that never seem to scan correctly.

7. I don't feel this way but apparently others feel compelled to leave a voicemail when they dial the wrong number. Obviously the person on the message isn't who they want to talk to, but they leave a message saying "Sorry I have the wrong number." Why do people do this? It baffles me. I don't know if this counts as an awkward social situation, but I'm thinking the caller of the wrong number must be at least somewhat awkward if he/she is leaving this type of message.

6. Being followed by another car back to your parking spot in a crowded lot. I absolutely hate that. I'm always paranoid that person is going to hit the gas a bit too much and accidentally run me over. Is it that serious to find a spot? How do they know my spot isn't the absolute last spot in the aisle? One time this actually happened and my spot was not only the last spot in the aisle, but it was the last spot in a satellite parking lot across the main parking lot road. The people followed me the whole way and then didn't take the spot. Then sped off like they were mad. Now that I think about it, maybe they were going to try and rob me or something and decided against it at the last minute. Whew!

5. When people I don't know tell me "Awwww your dog is so cute" or "You have a beautiful dog." I always say "Thanks" But, this is really a stupid response because I have nothing to do with how fabulous Chloe is. But, I can't think of anything better to say. And if I said "I know" I would sound conceited even though I'm not talking about myself.

4. Waiting for people to move out of the way in card stores. I just really hate that. There is never anywhere else to really "be" when your waiting for someone to move away from the cards you want, so then I always end up flipping through the "Mahogany Happy Birthday to my Daughter" cards, or some such other card type that does not relate to me in any way.

3. The feeling of someone directly behind you pushing a shopping cart. Can't you just feel the pain of that cart running into the back of your ankles??!!!??

2. Waiting in bathroom lines and trying to judge who you think looks the cleanest, so given the option you'd go into the bathroom stall recently vacated by them. As opposed to Donna Disgusto right in front of you.

1. Riding in an elevator for a substantial amount of floors with one other person that works for your company, but you don't actually know who that person is. You only know they work for your company because one of your company's floor buttons is depressed. Then when the first person leaves some sort of vacant pleasantry is exchanged, like "Have a good one" (I hate that saying) or some such. To me, I just think this confirms that both people are sitting there right next to eachother thinking "This is awkward" "What can I say?" "I'll be damned if I talk about the weather." Then this pressure is relived somewhat when the person exits and comes up with a witty comment like "Have a Nice Day."

Lunch Meetings

I just came up with a great idea. Wouldn't it be great if the next time you found yourself in a lunch meeting, complete with cold cut sammiches and whatever other wonderful delicacy your company serves up to you at those meetings, you could just toss a peice of your sandwich at people who made you angry?

I'm envisioning an instance where Norman(of previous post) decides it's nessasary to pipe up at a meeting and repeat something that's already been said about three times already. He has to make himself known you see. So, he pipes up and of course I'm disgusted, so I proceed to open up my sandwich, take out a choice slice of ham or turkey complete with mayo, and fling it across the boardroom table at him. What do you think people would do? You know everyone would want to laugh. I would be a character of legend! You wouldn't necessary have to use the meaty portion of your sandwich either. I think a tomato would make a very satisfying sound, and the residual mess would be quite nice also. A pickle might be less messy, but possibly more accurate if you threw it paper airplane style.

I swear if I had some sort of 'back-up' money and didn't really have to work for a living, I would sooo do that. Even just writing about it makes me happy. Maybe I wouldn't even get fired and then before each lunch meeting people would be like "Don't make Jeanine mad, she'll toss a tomato slice at you."

Oh it's ON Now!!!!!!

Boy oh Boy is today a day for Jeanine. Sometimes it helps for someone to make me MAD MAD MAD. I came into work today and found out that they are putting this guy I call Norman (a.k.a Norman Bates), on an account with me and nobody saw fit to tell me about it. This guy is a shady, condescending, know nothing, do nothing, type individual who has consistently tried to screw myself and others over on a daily basis. He is the one person I know around here who has ZERO friends. I could go on and on about this guy and the politics surrounding him, but suffice to say, I heard this news today and instantly turned around and called Mr. Head Hunter Extraordinaire. I said "Hi Mr. Head Hunter, please find me a job in NYC by July. I non-renewed my lease for July anyway, so it's either that, or a cardboard box." Then we went through the whole question and answer thing and we got to my salary and do you know what he said then???? "HA HA HA WOW....You know you could be making much more than that, right?!!"
DAMN SKIPPY!!!!! I will be outta here by MAY. Mark my words friends. I am on a mission. (Rocky theme playing in the background)

Yipes!!!

This is what the guy sitting next to me on the trolley this morning looked like.

I'm back!!

Hello all,

I hope I haven't lost you. Please forgive my absence but it's been an eventful past week or so. A lot has happened so I will clue you all in on the highlights (or at least the things I have a sense of humor about).

First, I would like to say that my "Puffy Face Syndrome" has been resolved, replaced by the worst cold I've had in about 5 years. Nothing works. I've tried: Theraflu, DayQuil, NightQuil and inhaling a pot full of steamy water. This was Calvin's suggestion-it did work, as long as I kept my face right over the pot of boiling water... obviously this didn't last long. I even made myself some kind of alcohol shot with what had in the house (rum, kahula and tequila) - I always see Grandmother's (on TV Grandmothers) supply some type of alcoholic concoction to their loved ones so I figured I'd try it. No luck, but I did sleep for about 2 hours after that. "WaaaaaaChoooo!!!" that was me sneezing again. Enough of this cold talk. Oh and just as an FYI, that concocotion...not so bad really.

So, I went to the Bahamas, Atlantis, to be exact for a business trip. Under normal circumstances, going to the Bahamas would be great, but I went there to work, so it sucked. I had absolutely no free time. Let me tell you, there is nothing worse than riding down in an elevator jam packed with people on their way to the beach, smelling like suntan lotion, while you're dressed up in a suit. No. Nothing worse.

I had the lucky pleasure of being on a floor jam packed with Springbreakers. Obviously weathly ones, since they could afford Atlantis, but incredibly out of control and ridiculous. I know for a fact I never acted like these kids. I'm calling them kids; I'm old. I spent the first night from about 1:30 am-5:30 am listening to kids run up and down halls, slam doors, yell, break stuff, and talk back to and later on engage in fisticuffs with the security guards. I could maybe rationalize this behavior somewhat if they were in a hotel full of Springbreakers, but as this is a family resort, that was clearly not the case. At some point, they must have been sober enough to realize this. I hate them. All of them.

Luckily, I got some of their friends back on the plane ride home. The flight wasn't very full and I had a whole row of seats to myself. Unfortunately, there were three yapping fluttery skirt girls behind me. "Like he was totally hot" " I know right" "Oh my god did I actually say that!?!!" "I was sooo drunk." ...... Kill me...Just kill me now. Prior to take-off and about 20 minutes into their conversation, the pilot got on the intercom and said we were free to move around and change seats as the flight was finished boarding. Now, even though I technically had no reason to move as I had a whole row to myself, I promptly uprooted myself and proceeded to move one row up and one row over figuring that was a good enough distance to put between me and the girls from hell. When I went back to move my luggage from the overhead, I was rewarded with a "tsk." and a dirty look from said girls. I know it's not much, but the knowledge that I managed to annoy at least someone on this trip was very rewarding.

Satisfying Gossip

I will not have time to write a good blog today, so as I substitute I offer this gem of an article I read from the NY Daily News. It offers all the satisfying gossip you should need for one day...or at least for the morning. Enjoy!

To all the poor college grads I have to interview today. "I IMPLORE you to realize that this is not where you want to be!!!!" I feel like the Captain of the Titanic welcoming people aboard after the ship hit the iceburg.....

Too bad none of them will actually read this, but at least I'm warning somebody.

All Puffed Up

My eyes seem to be a bit puffy this morning. One might say I look something like our friend Buttercup Powerpuff over here. She's angry on purpose; she's angry cause she's a big puff face.

You know what I think it was? I got totally sucked into Dove Soap's marketing campaign and thought that I needed to have younger looking more moisturized skin, so I tried a new kind of soap (Dove Pro Age). Well, the Dove people have something to answer for, cause their soap that was supposed to make me youthful and luminous made my eyes puff out of my head and now I look ridiculous. Thanks.

Sincerely, Puff Eyed and Pissed Off

F the Flippity Flappin Floppers!!!

Nothing would make me happier than if this happens. I cannot STAND when people do this and it's part of what is ruining the game. What bothers me most of all is that
Mr. Noah to our left is the king of the college flop and everyone keeps talking about how great he is. I think in this pic he's probably saying "Ooo ah ow my ass hurts from taking so many falls...OOOOOUCH!!!"

Something to Brighten Everyone's Day

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Check out homie in the yellow shirt. Ha!!!

Door Holding Etiquette

How far does a person have to be behind you before it's acceptable to not hold the door and let it close behind you? How long are you expected to hold it open while the person does that weird run/walk thing to hurry and catch up to you so you don't have to stand there forever? If someone does hold the door open for you, especially for an extended period, wouldn't it be appropriate to say thank you or at the bare minimum give the typical "white people" grimace smile (the kind that is given when two white people are passing each other and there is no one else in the vicinity so a toothless half smile that says "I'm kind of uncomfortable about this, but I need to acknowledge you in some way" type face)...Black people are much cooler in this regard and provide each other with a head nod of sorts; this is also better because a smile should only be given when there is something to smile about, the strangers we smile at could be serial killers for all we know. Anyway I digress...

The "thank you" is obvious. People should always say thank you if the door is held for them. If a thank you is not received, the door holder has every right to shout "Your welcome!" or heave a big loud sigh, or a provide the offender with a "tsk ahhhhhh!" The other situations are not so obvious and I find myself faced with these questions daily. Either I hold the door open for a super extra long time because I am trying to be kind, but then I just seem weird for extending myself in this manner for a complete stranger. Or I judge that the person is a reasonable enough distance behind me and let the door close. Then that person catches up to me at the elevator or something and I feel they must be thinking, "thanks for holding the door asshole." I don't know, what the answers are. Maybe someone out there does.

One would think this problem could be resolved if revolving doors were installed everywhere, but trust me when I say, there are complications there as well. Like if you're going out and someone is coming in, you see that person, but do you stand there and let that person get in even if there is not a full door available to him or her (it's like half of one door and half of the other)...? Or do you start to push thus giving him or her the opportunity to step into a full door situation, but possibly chopping their arm off in the process if they don't time things the same way you do? I think I would find myself a much happier person in the mornings if I didn't have to deal with these issues. I think I am happier when I find myself either walking alone so I don't have to deal with pedestrian traffic, or in the middle of a big crowd so someone else has to ponder these issues.

Apologies

I would like to apologize to anyone that has had their comments deleted from my posts (I just did it again). Please know that when they are deleted it is because I think they are funny and I try to respond. Then something happens and I delete everything. I don't know how this happens exactly because if I actually wanted to intentionally delete something, the process seems quite complicated. I think there might even be a way to get them back, but it has proven unsucessful. So, I'm just going to stop trying to comment on things from now on. I guess you hear enough about my opinions from the blog itself anyways.

Sarah and Rob Start Practicing!!!!

I would like to have been in the room when everyone was learning this dance.

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For those of you who might not know, this is the exact dance from Dirty Dancing. Lift and all. "Nobody puts Baby in a corner!!!"

And tonight on the 11 o'clock News...

"If you thought a Vice Principle selling crystal meth was bad....Well, wait to you hear about the gay porn, sex toys and nudity!"

This was the attention grabbing headline of the evening, used to advertise the NBC10 News @ 11, after The Office tonight. Please note that the news anchor actually sounded excited about delivering this news. "Please join us tonight for the full story, graphic pictures, and an interview with the ugliest, dumbest person we can find. Let us help you make Philadelphia a better place to live. Yay!"

I couldn't have said it better myself...

My Mom sent me this forward. It's hilarious and gives you guys something funny to read since I've been slacking this week. Sorry you guys! I have to do better because I do not want to loose my readers. I'm going bridesmaid dress shopping this weekend, so I'm sure to have something funny to say about that.
.......
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.

You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone’s Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance."

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail. Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your
chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late.

Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get."

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting. You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and
hand you Kleenex under the door!

Invisa-mornings

Many of you are probably wondering what an "invisa-morning" is exactly. Basically, it is when you find yourself questioning whether or not you are a tangible entity taking up space in which people can actually see you taking up that particular space at any given moment. Things such as: a backpack to the face while you sit in your seat on the subway, or a strong mush into the railing as people rush up the stairs at the train station, the absence of an "excuse me" or "pardon me" in either case, make me question whether or not people actually see me standing there. These types of examples happen on lots of mornings, but sometimes people go the extra mile to disregard my presence on the planet, hence an "invisa-morning."
I must start this story by saying that I seriously considered not coming to work today. It was one of those mornings when you are in such perfect position upon waking that it takes every fiber of your being to get up. Ahhh pillows. If I didn't have my dog, Chloe, whining at me to go out, I'd still be in bed.
Anyways.... I'm in a general disgruntlement on my way to work, but I'm walking along, minding my business, grooving to Peaches and Herb in my Ipod (Shake your groove thing, shake your groove thing, yeah yeah!). When this person walks up along side of me with a huge stride, swinging their arms like they are trying to take flight, and WHAM!!! This persons flailing arm hits me in my sholder area (their arm was that high!) and knocks my bag off. Then...here's the best part... they keep walking. But, as they are walking past I see them shake their hand a bit, IN PAIN, because it actually hurt when they hit me. Do you think it dawned on that person to say excuse me??? or sorry???? NoooOOOOoo. I therefore, have come to the conclusion that they must not have seen me and thought that their hand hit a wall. I mean if you're the type of person who walks around like a giant beast with your arms flailing about, then these types of accidents must befall you all the time. They must know the difference between a person and a wall when they hit one.
So really an "invisa-morning" gives people the benefit of the doubt that they can't possibly be THAT RUDE. It must be that I am simply invisable some mornings.

Spongebob does not quite cut it

OK, so I'm sitting here watching Spongebob Sqare Pants. While there have been many funny episodes of this show, and I do enjoy watching from time to time, it is no comparison to the old cartoons of yore. This Saturday morning is no different from every other Saturday morning when I find myself wishing for the cartoons of my childhood. I actually find myself on many Saturdays scrolling through the guide, just hoping that some channel somewhere will surprise me. Do you have any idea how much that would excite me?

Classics such as Looney Toons, Tom and Jerry, The Jetsons, Woody Woodpecker and the Pink Panther are completely gone from TV. The new Superhero's are terrible and totally not realistic! What happened to the Superheros we all new we could be...Spiderman and His Amazing Friends, Sheera, He Man, Superfriends, the Transformers (hello!!!)? What about our heroic animals, Thundercats? ShirtTales? DangerMouse? Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers? Even shows that were total marketing ploys didn't suck; shows like Care Bears, Donkey Kong and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Then there were those that existed for no good reason at all, but were totally awesome...The Biskitts, Gummy Bears, The Snorks, Captian Cavemaaaaaaan!!!

Here is a true test. A real question. I have spoken to many and very few seem to remember. How that is possible is beyond me... Way back when, when cable was just starting to get a bunch of channels, a new network called the USA Network began. I have no idea what they originally aired on this channel with one exception. USA CARTOON EXPRESS. It existed as a vehicle for mostly Hanna Barbarra Cartoons and was a good solid 3 hours of cartoon, after cartoon...after cartoon. Those I remember fondly are: JabberJaw, Magilla Gorilla, Dynomutt and Dog Wonder, Speedbuggy, Grape Ape, and the very very funniest and luckiest to catch as there weren't very many.....Wacky Races.

Alas, all this has made me sad, especially as my only choice of cartoon at the moment is Fairly OddParents. Which is one of the better ones. I can only credit two cartoons in recent memory that even come close to some of those mentioned above....drum roll....Dexter's Laboratory and Samuri Jack. As I continue in my quest for good cartoons, hopefully some other good ones will come along. But, for now I think I'm going to mastermind a way to create a Nick at Night for Cartoons. Wouldn't that be great?

You Tube always saves me on bad days

I find this very funny. Poor guy.

Drunken Catapult

Another Benefit of moving to NYC

I came across this article in the news today. Turns out that NYC living will make me skinnier cause of all the walking I'll be doing. I happen to enjoy that theory, but I do have another to add... I also think that people get skinnier in NYC because they can't afford to eat. It is likely I will be a good person to test both of these theories. So the next time someone tells me it's stupid to move to NYC because I'll be broke; I'll say "Well maybe, but I will be skinny." That's a good trade off in my mind.

Worlds Colliding

So last night I went out with my buddy from work in celebration of Fat Tuesday. Well, what was supposed to be only 2 drinks turned into more, and a nice time was being had by all. Until "Mr.Man" showed up and started talking about work. So then I found myself unwillingly sucked in to a conversation about market strength, performance bonuses and the changing culture of our workplace. I had to listen to this for almost an hour before I could start walking backwards out the door, coat in hand. "Bye!" "C ya!" "Get me the hell outta here!"

Meanwhile...Calvin was at an Ataris concert down on South Street. His friend, Sean Hanson, plays bass guitar in the band. Initially, I was going to go straight home and have a peaceful night of A.I. watching, but as I had a couple of beers in me, I no longer felt like going home. Sooo, I called Calvin to see if I could still come and he said "Sure! They'll put you on the guest list!" Guest list?? Awesome!! Well, I've never been on a band's guest list before, I feel special. I relayed this information to the cab driver, who then thought I was super cool, I'm sure.

So, I arrive down on South Street in my work attire and immediately feel ridiculous as everyone else was parading around in party clothes and beads, etc. due to the aforementioned Fat Tuesday celebration. Someone called their friend a loser and I immediately had to turn around to see if they meant me. I get to the door of the TLA, provide my name and was kinda nervous that they'd be like..."Ummm who?," but they said "OK, go ahead in and go up the steps to the left of the stage, the band is up there." "Neato!" I thought to myself (thankfully, I kept it from escaping).

So then much to my amazement, The Ataris, who I remember from singing a cover of "Summer of '69" at a Ravens game (or maybe Orioles? would that ever happen?) had a large following. Nice. I go up the stairs and Calvin is there and he introduces me to Sean and some other members of the band. They were all super friendly even though they were busy. We talked for a bit and then I realized how bizarre it was that just 15 minutes ago I was listening to "Mr. Man I So Suck" spout off a bunch of corporate nothingness and then "poof!" I'm backstage at a rock concert. That was my worlds colliding moment...well not exactly colliding, but really close together.

Anywho, the concert was fun and well played. I have to say that Sean Hanson (my new and only rock band friend) was the best stage performer out of all the guys. He did this cool thing by playing with his back almost to the crowd and did a lot of dancing (for lack of a better word)around with his bass. The lead singer just stood there. Which I always find annoying. Anyway, if you come across The Atari's in your town, go check them out. In another side note, Sean is the lead singer of a band called Park Ranger and I really like their music a lot. I'm adding them as a link on my page. If you check out Park Ranger's Pics, there is one of Sean and Chris Hanson, and Chris is actually Calvin's producer. Pretty cool. Nice and very talented guys, both of them. Shout out to the Hanson brothers! Thanks for putting me on your guest list Sean!

WHY????

I do not know what could possibly inspire a person to buy a pair of these in the first place. BUT, if you were this type of person, would you think it smart to parade around with them on in the piles of dirty slushy street snow? I've seen two people doing just that. The furry parts were all wet and dirty and gross. Where were they going in these boots, I wonder? Won't they leave humungous gross hairy footprints? It's really grossing me out the more I think about it. People are stupid. Just say no to Abomidible Snow Monster Gear.

Example #2873 of how my company is screwing me...

I just finished reading an article by Dow Jones relating to [insert name of the company I work for here] and its financial status. I was thrilled to learn that our earnings have improved! One particular paragraph really caught my eye! Please note:

"began to gain some positive momentum towards growth in the third and fourth quarters, it was time to reward its employees financially for helping the company recover. The payments which included an additional performance-based contribution of $23 million to its 401(k) program and an additional 8% increase in its bonus payouts, came to a total of nearly $100 million in one-time compensation."

You know, that was very intriguing as I do not recall receiving a bonus, my 401k plan was cut back, and my raise was bullshit. Wait a minute...

(I can cannot claim to be the author of the above rant, but I agree with its sentiments whole heartily. The true author has chosen to remain anonymous)

This article has caused quite a stir with us working peons. I can hear cubicles around me all 'abuzz' with the news. Mostly I think I'm hearing !@!%#@!!*&@! [insert the name of the company I work for here]!

....Ah, we just received an email that our office will be participating in a company wide conference call with our CFO to discuss 4th quarter earnings. Wonder if he will address the above?? I'll tell you what, if he tells us where that money went, I will stand up on the board room table, jump around like a gorilla and eat my pen.

Jeanine the Queen...

Oh you guys I am so psyched!!! I found our neighborhood in NYC; Astoria Queens! It is 25 minutes from Mahattan, has great views of the skyline, and waaaaay reasonable rents. Calvin can keep his car. Woohooo!!!!! Click here to see what NY Magazine has to say.

Now all we need are jobs...hmmmmmm.....

Oh and as a sidenote, Chloe is licking the kitchen floor. She's going at it pretty good. I do not see anything worth licking. I find it odd.

Oh and as another side note, you know the Seinfeld episode where he eates the black and white cookie? Well, I saw one at this deli today and had to try one. Apparently, people see them for sale all the time, but it was a first for me. Anyway, I tried one (don't tell the South Beach Gods) and it was very tasty. It was a wierd consistancy for a cookie and took some getting used to, but I would give it an "A-" overall on the cookie rating scale.

I will get to NYC eventually!

In my newly reinvigorated quest for NYC, I came across this link. It's called "43 things" where people make a list of the 43 things they want to do in life and people can comment on them, give them advice or cheer them on. I found some very helpful information about my eventual move and also found it comforting to see how many people had accomplished the NYC mission before me. I would write a list of my own, but I don't know if I could come up with 43 things I want to do before I die. Well, I guess I could, but it might take a while and that will divert my attention from my newly created blog. Anyway, enjoy the link. Tomorrow is Monday. Save me.

Cell phones make me talk funny

So, Calvin is currently on his way back from NYC on Amtrak. I called him because his train is due in to Philadelphia at 4:00 and I'm looking for an excuse to blow off work a early and go get a drink. This is how the conversation went:

Jeanine: "Hi, are you back yet?"
Calvin: "No."
Jeanine: "Are you still on the train?"
Calvin: "Yes."
Jeanine: [whispering]"Oh are you in one of those quiet cars where you can't talk on cell phones?"
Calvin: "Yes."
Jeanine: "OK then, call me when you get back"
Calvin: "OK Bye"

Please someone explain to me why I felt the need to lower my voice to ask Calvin that question? Do you think the person sitting next to him appreciated it?

My first post

So, I've been debating all day what my first blog post should be about. I figured it should be something that sets the tone for all other posts, something significant, intelligent, something that would matter to my future readers. I went over the important events of the day: Anna Nicole Smith's death, Dallas named some guy, Wade Phillips, as their new head coach, R. Kelly had his appendix out; not sure if I want to welcome him into the fun race of Non-Appendix having people, but oh well. So after much thought, I decided to relay a small occurrence that happened during my lunch hour today. An occurrence, that is partially responsible for my blogging beginnings....

I had to run out out of the office into the frigid ridiculous temperatures to get a few things at lunch time. I chose Walgreens, even though I hate this store because it fools you into thinking it is the type of store that will have what you need, but it never actually does. They will have my shampoo and not the matching conditioner or only scratchy Scott toilet paper, the regular size rolls of paper towels or suntan shaded pantyhose.

On this particular visit, I was surprisingly delighted that they happened to have South Beach Meal Bars on sale for 3 for $6. This is a very good deal for those in the South Beach world. In typical Walgreens fashion though, they did not have a wide variety of flavors and there were not very many left of those they did have. I decided to purchase 6 bars and immediately selected two of my favorite flavor (cinnamon and creme). As I was perusing the rest of the flavors, I see this hand come from around my back and snatch the remaining 3 cinnamon and creme flavored bars from right in front of me! Now, please understand two things: 1) My basket was in my other arm so the person attached to the offending hand did not know I had already finished stocking up on this flavor, 2) The area where these bars are displayed is about the width of my shoulders with a cash register on one side of me and a fellow human being on the other. This offender (Doctor Claw) therefore had to squish themselves up against the cashier's counter, reach around, snatch the bars, and then actually stalked off in a huff! You might be thinking that perhaps I was taking a long time picking out my flavors and Doctor Claw got impatient. But! That was not the case! I know this because just one moment prior to that I looked around to make sure nobody was waiting for me. Why? Because I am a good, nice person. Doctor Claw, however, was not. She apparently decided that she needed these bars so badly it was worth bogarding her way in front of me; completely ignoring my presence along with the possibility that I might have been about to select one of those Cinnamon and cream bars to put in my shopping basket. There are a lot of not nice people in this world, and/or maybe just people without ability to interact with others in a decent fashion. In light of this fact, I feel that this blog may have a lot to say about these types. Stay tuned...