Invisa-mornings

Many of you are probably wondering what an "invisa-morning" is exactly. Basically, it is when you find yourself questioning whether or not you are a tangible entity taking up space in which people can actually see you taking up that particular space at any given moment. Things such as: a backpack to the face while you sit in your seat on the subway, or a strong mush into the railing as people rush up the stairs at the train station, the absence of an "excuse me" or "pardon me" in either case, make me question whether or not people actually see me standing there. These types of examples happen on lots of mornings, but sometimes people go the extra mile to disregard my presence on the planet, hence an "invisa-morning."
I must start this story by saying that I seriously considered not coming to work today. It was one of those mornings when you are in such perfect position upon waking that it takes every fiber of your being to get up. Ahhh pillows. If I didn't have my dog, Chloe, whining at me to go out, I'd still be in bed.
Anyways.... I'm in a general disgruntlement on my way to work, but I'm walking along, minding my business, grooving to Peaches and Herb in my Ipod (Shake your groove thing, shake your groove thing, yeah yeah!). When this person walks up along side of me with a huge stride, swinging their arms like they are trying to take flight, and WHAM!!! This persons flailing arm hits me in my sholder area (their arm was that high!) and knocks my bag off. Then...here's the best part... they keep walking. But, as they are walking past I see them shake their hand a bit, IN PAIN, because it actually hurt when they hit me. Do you think it dawned on that person to say excuse me??? or sorry???? NoooOOOOoo. I therefore, have come to the conclusion that they must not have seen me and thought that their hand hit a wall. I mean if you're the type of person who walks around like a giant beast with your arms flailing about, then these types of accidents must befall you all the time. They must know the difference between a person and a wall when they hit one.
So really an "invisa-morning" gives people the benefit of the doubt that they can't possibly be THAT RUDE. It must be that I am simply invisable some mornings.

Spongebob does not quite cut it

OK, so I'm sitting here watching Spongebob Sqare Pants. While there have been many funny episodes of this show, and I do enjoy watching from time to time, it is no comparison to the old cartoons of yore. This Saturday morning is no different from every other Saturday morning when I find myself wishing for the cartoons of my childhood. I actually find myself on many Saturdays scrolling through the guide, just hoping that some channel somewhere will surprise me. Do you have any idea how much that would excite me?

Classics such as Looney Toons, Tom and Jerry, The Jetsons, Woody Woodpecker and the Pink Panther are completely gone from TV. The new Superhero's are terrible and totally not realistic! What happened to the Superheros we all new we could be...Spiderman and His Amazing Friends, Sheera, He Man, Superfriends, the Transformers (hello!!!)? What about our heroic animals, Thundercats? ShirtTales? DangerMouse? Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers? Even shows that were total marketing ploys didn't suck; shows like Care Bears, Donkey Kong and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Then there were those that existed for no good reason at all, but were totally awesome...The Biskitts, Gummy Bears, The Snorks, Captian Cavemaaaaaaan!!!

Here is a true test. A real question. I have spoken to many and very few seem to remember. How that is possible is beyond me... Way back when, when cable was just starting to get a bunch of channels, a new network called the USA Network began. I have no idea what they originally aired on this channel with one exception. USA CARTOON EXPRESS. It existed as a vehicle for mostly Hanna Barbarra Cartoons and was a good solid 3 hours of cartoon, after cartoon...after cartoon. Those I remember fondly are: JabberJaw, Magilla Gorilla, Dynomutt and Dog Wonder, Speedbuggy, Grape Ape, and the very very funniest and luckiest to catch as there weren't very many.....Wacky Races.

Alas, all this has made me sad, especially as my only choice of cartoon at the moment is Fairly OddParents. Which is one of the better ones. I can only credit two cartoons in recent memory that even come close to some of those mentioned above....drum roll....Dexter's Laboratory and Samuri Jack. As I continue in my quest for good cartoons, hopefully some other good ones will come along. But, for now I think I'm going to mastermind a way to create a Nick at Night for Cartoons. Wouldn't that be great?

You Tube always saves me on bad days

I find this very funny. Poor guy.

Drunken Catapult

Another Benefit of moving to NYC

I came across this article in the news today. Turns out that NYC living will make me skinnier cause of all the walking I'll be doing. I happen to enjoy that theory, but I do have another to add... I also think that people get skinnier in NYC because they can't afford to eat. It is likely I will be a good person to test both of these theories. So the next time someone tells me it's stupid to move to NYC because I'll be broke; I'll say "Well maybe, but I will be skinny." That's a good trade off in my mind.

Worlds Colliding

So last night I went out with my buddy from work in celebration of Fat Tuesday. Well, what was supposed to be only 2 drinks turned into more, and a nice time was being had by all. Until "Mr.Man" showed up and started talking about work. So then I found myself unwillingly sucked in to a conversation about market strength, performance bonuses and the changing culture of our workplace. I had to listen to this for almost an hour before I could start walking backwards out the door, coat in hand. "Bye!" "C ya!" "Get me the hell outta here!"

Meanwhile...Calvin was at an Ataris concert down on South Street. His friend, Sean Hanson, plays bass guitar in the band. Initially, I was going to go straight home and have a peaceful night of A.I. watching, but as I had a couple of beers in me, I no longer felt like going home. Sooo, I called Calvin to see if I could still come and he said "Sure! They'll put you on the guest list!" Guest list?? Awesome!! Well, I've never been on a band's guest list before, I feel special. I relayed this information to the cab driver, who then thought I was super cool, I'm sure.

So, I arrive down on South Street in my work attire and immediately feel ridiculous as everyone else was parading around in party clothes and beads, etc. due to the aforementioned Fat Tuesday celebration. Someone called their friend a loser and I immediately had to turn around to see if they meant me. I get to the door of the TLA, provide my name and was kinda nervous that they'd be like..."Ummm who?," but they said "OK, go ahead in and go up the steps to the left of the stage, the band is up there." "Neato!" I thought to myself (thankfully, I kept it from escaping).

So then much to my amazement, The Ataris, who I remember from singing a cover of "Summer of '69" at a Ravens game (or maybe Orioles? would that ever happen?) had a large following. Nice. I go up the stairs and Calvin is there and he introduces me to Sean and some other members of the band. They were all super friendly even though they were busy. We talked for a bit and then I realized how bizarre it was that just 15 minutes ago I was listening to "Mr. Man I So Suck" spout off a bunch of corporate nothingness and then "poof!" I'm backstage at a rock concert. That was my worlds colliding moment...well not exactly colliding, but really close together.

Anywho, the concert was fun and well played. I have to say that Sean Hanson (my new and only rock band friend) was the best stage performer out of all the guys. He did this cool thing by playing with his back almost to the crowd and did a lot of dancing (for lack of a better word)around with his bass. The lead singer just stood there. Which I always find annoying. Anyway, if you come across The Atari's in your town, go check them out. In another side note, Sean is the lead singer of a band called Park Ranger and I really like their music a lot. I'm adding them as a link on my page. If you check out Park Ranger's Pics, there is one of Sean and Chris Hanson, and Chris is actually Calvin's producer. Pretty cool. Nice and very talented guys, both of them. Shout out to the Hanson brothers! Thanks for putting me on your guest list Sean!

WHY????

I do not know what could possibly inspire a person to buy a pair of these in the first place. BUT, if you were this type of person, would you think it smart to parade around with them on in the piles of dirty slushy street snow? I've seen two people doing just that. The furry parts were all wet and dirty and gross. Where were they going in these boots, I wonder? Won't they leave humungous gross hairy footprints? It's really grossing me out the more I think about it. People are stupid. Just say no to Abomidible Snow Monster Gear.

Example #2873 of how my company is screwing me...

I just finished reading an article by Dow Jones relating to [insert name of the company I work for here] and its financial status. I was thrilled to learn that our earnings have improved! One particular paragraph really caught my eye! Please note:

"began to gain some positive momentum towards growth in the third and fourth quarters, it was time to reward its employees financially for helping the company recover. The payments which included an additional performance-based contribution of $23 million to its 401(k) program and an additional 8% increase in its bonus payouts, came to a total of nearly $100 million in one-time compensation."

You know, that was very intriguing as I do not recall receiving a bonus, my 401k plan was cut back, and my raise was bullshit. Wait a minute...

(I can cannot claim to be the author of the above rant, but I agree with its sentiments whole heartily. The true author has chosen to remain anonymous)

This article has caused quite a stir with us working peons. I can hear cubicles around me all 'abuzz' with the news. Mostly I think I'm hearing !@!%#@!!*&@! [insert the name of the company I work for here]!

....Ah, we just received an email that our office will be participating in a company wide conference call with our CFO to discuss 4th quarter earnings. Wonder if he will address the above?? I'll tell you what, if he tells us where that money went, I will stand up on the board room table, jump around like a gorilla and eat my pen.

Jeanine the Queen...

Oh you guys I am so psyched!!! I found our neighborhood in NYC; Astoria Queens! It is 25 minutes from Mahattan, has great views of the skyline, and waaaaay reasonable rents. Calvin can keep his car. Woohooo!!!!! Click here to see what NY Magazine has to say.

Now all we need are jobs...hmmmmmm.....

Oh and as a sidenote, Chloe is licking the kitchen floor. She's going at it pretty good. I do not see anything worth licking. I find it odd.

Oh and as another side note, you know the Seinfeld episode where he eates the black and white cookie? Well, I saw one at this deli today and had to try one. Apparently, people see them for sale all the time, but it was a first for me. Anyway, I tried one (don't tell the South Beach Gods) and it was very tasty. It was a wierd consistancy for a cookie and took some getting used to, but I would give it an "A-" overall on the cookie rating scale.

I will get to NYC eventually!

In my newly reinvigorated quest for NYC, I came across this link. It's called "43 things" where people make a list of the 43 things they want to do in life and people can comment on them, give them advice or cheer them on. I found some very helpful information about my eventual move and also found it comforting to see how many people had accomplished the NYC mission before me. I would write a list of my own, but I don't know if I could come up with 43 things I want to do before I die. Well, I guess I could, but it might take a while and that will divert my attention from my newly created blog. Anyway, enjoy the link. Tomorrow is Monday. Save me.

Cell phones make me talk funny

So, Calvin is currently on his way back from NYC on Amtrak. I called him because his train is due in to Philadelphia at 4:00 and I'm looking for an excuse to blow off work a early and go get a drink. This is how the conversation went:

Jeanine: "Hi, are you back yet?"
Calvin: "No."
Jeanine: "Are you still on the train?"
Calvin: "Yes."
Jeanine: [whispering]"Oh are you in one of those quiet cars where you can't talk on cell phones?"
Calvin: "Yes."
Jeanine: "OK then, call me when you get back"
Calvin: "OK Bye"

Please someone explain to me why I felt the need to lower my voice to ask Calvin that question? Do you think the person sitting next to him appreciated it?

My first post

So, I've been debating all day what my first blog post should be about. I figured it should be something that sets the tone for all other posts, something significant, intelligent, something that would matter to my future readers. I went over the important events of the day: Anna Nicole Smith's death, Dallas named some guy, Wade Phillips, as their new head coach, R. Kelly had his appendix out; not sure if I want to welcome him into the fun race of Non-Appendix having people, but oh well. So after much thought, I decided to relay a small occurrence that happened during my lunch hour today. An occurrence, that is partially responsible for my blogging beginnings....

I had to run out out of the office into the frigid ridiculous temperatures to get a few things at lunch time. I chose Walgreens, even though I hate this store because it fools you into thinking it is the type of store that will have what you need, but it never actually does. They will have my shampoo and not the matching conditioner or only scratchy Scott toilet paper, the regular size rolls of paper towels or suntan shaded pantyhose.

On this particular visit, I was surprisingly delighted that they happened to have South Beach Meal Bars on sale for 3 for $6. This is a very good deal for those in the South Beach world. In typical Walgreens fashion though, they did not have a wide variety of flavors and there were not very many left of those they did have. I decided to purchase 6 bars and immediately selected two of my favorite flavor (cinnamon and creme). As I was perusing the rest of the flavors, I see this hand come from around my back and snatch the remaining 3 cinnamon and creme flavored bars from right in front of me! Now, please understand two things: 1) My basket was in my other arm so the person attached to the offending hand did not know I had already finished stocking up on this flavor, 2) The area where these bars are displayed is about the width of my shoulders with a cash register on one side of me and a fellow human being on the other. This offender (Doctor Claw) therefore had to squish themselves up against the cashier's counter, reach around, snatch the bars, and then actually stalked off in a huff! You might be thinking that perhaps I was taking a long time picking out my flavors and Doctor Claw got impatient. But! That was not the case! I know this because just one moment prior to that I looked around to make sure nobody was waiting for me. Why? Because I am a good, nice person. Doctor Claw, however, was not. She apparently decided that she needed these bars so badly it was worth bogarding her way in front of me; completely ignoring my presence along with the possibility that I might have been about to select one of those Cinnamon and cream bars to put in my shopping basket. There are a lot of not nice people in this world, and/or maybe just people without ability to interact with others in a decent fashion. In light of this fact, I feel that this blog may have a lot to say about these types. Stay tuned...